do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
