you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
