I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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