Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize