I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize