He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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