Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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