is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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