I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
