Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
