i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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