Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
