Porn is love you can see.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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