why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Even the bartender felt bad for me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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