my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
