If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
