I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
