So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
