I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
