I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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