I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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