wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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