fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So squirting runs in the family.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
