at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
