chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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