I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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