Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
