U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
