I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
