I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
