she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
