Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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