your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
