Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
