Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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