Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
