Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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