i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
