And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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