Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
