Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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