You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
