just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
