you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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