Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
