I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
