there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
