It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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