Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
