After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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