just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
