I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
