She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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