Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
