hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
