69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
