I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
