You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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