I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
