god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize