They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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