i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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