upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
