If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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