so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
