he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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