i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I sprained my soul last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
