Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
