Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
