Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
