are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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