Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
