I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
