Your dad touched me again.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
