first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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