i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
birth control should be required to get into college
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
