So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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