Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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