Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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