So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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