do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
