So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
