no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Bring me that man meat
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
