Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
