You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
