I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
