So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
