Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
