Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
