i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
