how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
