My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
