I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
