In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
