I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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