After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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