everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
