anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
