"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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