I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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